| If 6 Was 9 (Jimi Hendrix) |
[Nov. 6th, 2009|10:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  none | ] |
Yeah, sing a song brother.
If the sun refused to shine,
I don't mind, I don't mind.
Yeah...
If the mountains fell in the sea,
Let it be, it ain't me.
Got my own world to live through
And I ain't gonna copy you.
Now, if 6 turned up to be 9,
I don't mind, I don't mind.
If all the hippies cut off their hair,
I don't care, I don't care.
Did, 'cos I got my own world to live through
And I ain't gonna copy you.
White-collar conservatives flashing down the street
Pointing their plastic finger at me.
They're hoping soon my kind will drop and die,
But I'm gonna wave my freak flag high . . . HIGH!
Hah, hah
Falling mountains just don't fall on me
Point on mister Buisnessman,
You can't dress like me.
Nobody know what I'm talking about
I've got my own life to live
I'm the one that's gonna have to die
When it's time for me to die
So let me live my life the way I want to.
Yeah . . .
Sing on brother,
Play on brother . . . |
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| Oh Shit |
[Sep. 28th, 2009|02:39 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | La Noyée - Yann Tiersen | ] |
My friend Jon needed a spork for let's just say a scavenger hunt. The only spork location I knew of was Taco Bell, but I knew from previous research that it was an estimated 50 minute walking distance from my campus. I told Jon that and he actually considered going. We talked in my room for a bit, and then he came back asking me if I wanted to take this trip with him. Seeing an opportunity for a glorious adventure, I said yes. We left my hall at 10:24pm. Not only was it a 50 minute walk, but we travelled different lands. The Taco Bell was actually in the neighboring town and Jon and I had to face a shady neighborhood and a busy street lacking sidewalks at some parts.
Three-quarters of the way there, Jon decided to call the Taco Bell. And after shouting "Aw, fuck" to the manager on the other end, he told me that the Taco Bell's inside was closed and only the drive-thru would be open until 1am. By this point, we were actually really excited to eat Taco Bell. But we opted to search for the sporks elsewhere.
We found a Stop & Shop and we went inside. It was around 11:30, and the store closed at midnight. We searched the party supplies aisle. No luck. We found a plethura of colored spoons, knives, and forks... But no sporks. We asked a man who worked there if Stop & Shop carried sporks, but he had no idea what a spork was. After explaining to him the idea of this magnificent but apparently outdated utensil, he led us to an actual cutlery aisle, where we found more spoons, forks, and knives. And no sporks.
We were angry. Jon needed this spork and we travelled from an hour away. We were so disappointed but our anticipation of the Taco Bell plus being in a supermarket made us realize that we were super hungry. So we decided to buy food there. We searched all around for a meal you have to prepare. Something that would be satisfying but didn't need to be prepared, heated up, etc. And guess what we got. Mother fucking Lunchables.
We ate them in the parking lot and they were delicious. Pizza Treatza's baby. They were amazing, but we were still hungry. We saw a diner (open 24 hours of course - it's Jersey) and we made our way to it. But they had a sign on their door saying that they only were able to serve cold sandwiches and waffles. Wtf? Of course, we still went in. We decided on a Belgian waffle (score) and we begged the waitress for a strawberry milkshake. Both were terrific.
And then we walked back. The walk back seemed so much shorter because of our conversation. We talked about his girlfriend of two and a half years - on and off. We talked about my boyfriend of two and a half years - on and off. And it was one of the most uplifting talks I've had. I hardly knew Jon before this. I mean sure, he threw me something of a birthday fest before I went home a few weeks ago (aka Mollyfest) but we never actually connected, nor did I think we ever would. And I'm not going to get into my Gary situation on facebook. But I guess Jon, being 22 and having a few serious relationships, gave me some advice that really changed my perspective on things. We talked about growing and "finding yourself" (real cliche, I know). And all that was really great. He said this one thing about my relationship, "You have to stand on your own two feet before you can carry someone else." I know it might not sound poignant enough for me to waken from my livejournal slumber, but my talk with Jon really put my emotions into context- something I haven't been able to do in awhile. I've always felt that everything I feel is so disconnected from reality and that I'll never apply it to my actual problems, if any of this makes sense. Maybe it was because my discovery came after a two hour round trip on foot for snacks or maybe it's because I'm fed up with feeling so closed up, but something really hit me tonight.
So after we got back, the same kids (named Joe and Sol) were sitting on our stoop from when we left. They fucking congratulated us on our journey like we were war veterans. That and having realized some important stuff, really made me feel accomplished (lulz). We then went up to Jon's room and spent fifteen minutes trying to widdle a spork out of a plastic spoon. We failed, but it didn't matter. We decided that our night was too epic to be let down by a fucking failed attempt to get a spork.
After all this, I went outside again and I talked to a few kids, Joe, as mentioned above, and this other one named Kurt. He's a film major and he's really down to earth. He has a bit of a quirkiness to him, but we talked for a bit outside. We've never really even said more than three words to each other, but that conversation was uplifting too. He basically reassured me that no matter what happens, my freshman year is something to look forward to.
I'm just really happy right now, and I never thought I would be as sure of myself as I am right now this early on in college. I'm not saying I'm anywhere near being content (I feel like that's such a half-assed word though) and whole, but I have hope. And that's something I've forgotten about. |
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| A Really Weird Fucking Day |
[Jun. 29th, 2009|09:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  listless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | I'm not listening to anything. Watching: Big Fish | ] |
I'm running into people in random places, driving to other places I shouldn't be at, not wearing pants, I'm confused about my relationship status, I can't close my fucking mouth...
and my grandfather died. My Peapa Jack. The day after his birthday.
I am going to miss him a lot. So fucking much.
I'm really not in a good mood. Maybe tonight something will cheer me up. Maybe not.
I start work tomorrow. Fuck.
( Pearl Jam )
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| I Haven't Updated in Awhile |
[Mar. 29th, 2009|02:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  what? | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Gotta Eat - Lupe Fiasco | ] |
I'm sorry I haven't posted... I had the flu/something up with da sinus for a couple weeks. I also had college stuff (acceptance days, fafsa, placement testing, and course selections are all being worked out) And now I've been working the two shows: Five Tellers and Back to the 80s.
1) Five Tellers just closed last night. It had a pretty good run, and I had some pretty solid fans haha.
2) Back to the 80s got a lot better. I organized the hell out of the show and I have assigned jobs. Now I'm hoping I'll have a bit more fun. After all, it's a fun show.
Oh and both of my directors are fucking CUNTS. |
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| Fuck That |
[Mar. 8th, 2009|11:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hot mess | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Stay Beautiful - The Last Goodnight | ] |
I have the flu. |
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| I Ain't Getting the Flu... That's Final |
[Mar. 7th, 2009|05:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Life Your Life - T.I. and Rhianna | ] |
I hope my immune system reads my subject line.... Because toniizight is my community theatre acting debut!!!
Okay... basically the director wrote in the part of a cleaning girl for scene changes. But it's still something, haha (and I get a curtain call yo)
But anyway, life's been reverting back to its same old yet happy ways. Gary's back and it's supah nice out. Stage crew at the high school was good too: pretty productive but not crazy. I stole a baby.
Oh yeah: and I miss JoAnna!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2009|06:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen | ] |
I didn't think I'd be posting about those friends I've mentioned before again, but I guess I am.
( So I'll Put it Behind a Cut )
Sorry to the actual friends who sit there and read my rants. Don't pity me, haha. |
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| My Schedule |
[Mar. 1st, 2009|10:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Riot - Wyclef Jean, Serj Tankian, Sizzla | ] |
Just thought that I'd put it out there:
March 6th - Big critical analysis due. I have to apply a psychologist's theory/order of the psyche (I chose Lacan and the psychosexual development) to a novel of my choice ("The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold).
March 6th - March 28th (every Thursday - save the first week, Friday, Saturday, and two Sunday nights) is the run of "Five Tellers Dancing in the Rain" in which I'm stage managing. But I was also put in as a part of the cast. A note to the director mentioned that the role of a cleaning lady may be written in for set changes. So now it's there, and I'm gonna be on stage, haha.
March 9th - 16th is Gary's spring break.
March 26th - April 1st is the tech hell week for the spring musical at my high school. Staying late, assigning jobs, following scripts, moving set pieces, yelling at the top of my lungs, hiding in wood shop with Pick until I forget how much I hate the world (lolz).
April 2nd - April 5th is the run of "Back to the 80s" in which I'll be stage managing.
April 8th - Momma's birthday
April 8th - ? is my spring break. And I might fly to Michigan to see my grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins?
If not, April 10th is a piano recital.
Anyways, today was good.. I woke up at 10am and went to the playhouse to do the set for "Five Tellers." Then I napped.. Then I woke up and ate. It should probably be a snow day tomorrow, which is pretty cool.
I feel like I did in the beginning of the summer, one of the best times of my life. Because I knew with all of the incredible fun I was having, I was gonna have to buckle down and eclipse my way into really busy, hardcore work-study. (But this time it's not as serious I don't think.)
Oh man, I just heard my mom shouting in a room:
"Who ate a whole thing of Bacos in one day.... *realizes* MOLLY! That is supposed to be sprinkled on a salad, not eaten as a snack!"
An, good times. |
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| "In Your Eyes" |
[Feb. 27th, 2009|10:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  horselike | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Meat and Cheese | ] |
I am battling very sexy demons right now.
Hotchya.
Pleeeeez help me before I explode, I need the ocean.
TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE (unless of course I die).
Wish me luck!
( What was it that Damien Rice said? )
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| I Regret that I Can't Start Selling my Eighth Box of Candy Today |
[Feb. 26th, 2009|01:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  egh | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Please Tell Me Why - Blink 182 | ] |
I'm sick.
I passed out at rehearsal last night, lmao.
We have no running water.
I've been washing my hands and brushing my teeth with bottled water.
God forbid I throw up (which isn't such a faraway idea).
I'm just gonna continue eating soy bacon bits and watching the Disney channel.
(I just came downstairs to see if I had mac and cheese/if Rutgers put up housing apps yet). |
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| Magically and Absolutely Back Home |
[Feb. 24th, 2009|03:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | IHOP | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  defeated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Gimme More - Britney Spears | ] |
Grant me three wishes and I'll guarantee that I'd waste them.
Because it's hard to find a balance between two different thoughts.
I have no idea how I feel right now. |
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| Ahhhh |
[Feb. 23rd, 2009|10:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Underground - Ben Folds Five | ] |
Feelin' better? |
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| I Cannot See the Road if I'm Looking at the Signs |
[Feb. 22nd, 2009|06:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Level - The Raconteurs | ] |
Alright, so for the most part, I've reluctantly pulled myself out of that acute depression. Sorry about that. I don't know, I guess a bunch of things hit me at once. But like I said, I've been trying to focus on the positive. The little things.
Like how at the theater today, I thoroughly enjoyed the smoked cheddar popcorn instead of my usual coffee and pretzels. And how I earned fifty dollars this week babysitting. And how I sold five boxes of candy to cover some school expenses. And how I'm gonna sell twice as much as that within another month. And how I'm getting a new puppy. And how I've decided on a theater major to go with my future elementary/special education certifications. And how I love my friends. And how I love my boyfriend.
Of course I still have my problems.
( Problem #1 )
( Problem #2 )
But anyone does, I feel like mine will subside in time, whether it's healthy or not.
It won't be easy, but I'm determined to make things the most balanced they can be.
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| I Used to Say Live and Let Live |
[Feb. 18th, 2009|05:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  irate | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Castles Made of Sand - Jimi Hendrix | ] |
I have become so angry. So fucking drained.
So burnt out. So disgusted.
I got into a huge fight with these two kids that I know.
And I got into a huge fight with my director at school.
So I'm sorry I'm not the same right now.
Because to be honest, I'm pretty fucking miserable. But I repress. And eventually, I'll forget. Maybe soon I'll start thinking of the positive again... My health. The solid handful of the beautiful people in my life. My grades. My NYC stage managing job this summer. Rutgers in the fall. |
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| Je Dois Partir (Excuse my French) |
[Feb. 17th, 2009|07:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  vide | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Rootless Tree - Damien Rice | ] |
Il y a beaucoup de fautes probablment, mais c'est la seule façon.
Je sais que je n'avais pas raison... de tout. Je sais que je suis une personne mauvais essentiellement... une amie mauvais essentiellement... Et je sais que mes mots ne le ferait pas bien.
Ce semble que j'ai telle indifférence pour notre amitié... Et peut-être c'est vrai.
Mais je me semble que vous êtes assez comme moi.
Tandis que j'ai les maladies come bouvoir ou parler si librement, vous avez les subtilités. Les subtilités qui me causent peine.
Tandis que je vous montre que je ne suis pas contente, vous me montre les même choses. Mais vous le fêtes silencieusement.
Quand j'ai écrit << le paragraphe infâme, >> ce semble que vous êtes victimes. Mais, personne vraiment m'a écoute. Tout le monde voulait être les pauvres quand j'ai souffert. Alors, je souffre encore.
Vous teniez les jugements et votre dégoût en bas au dessous. Vous m'avez détesté doucement.
J'ai vous donné les choses tangibles... les actions superficiels. Et vous m'avez retourné avec un insécurité terrible... d'honte traînant.
Maintenant, la grande différence seule est que j'ai une voix. Bien que, une voix immature. Mais je peux grandir.
Et en malgré de le fait que je me déteste un peu aussi, je peux me libérer.
Je suis fini, je comprends que nous ne sommes pas bien pour chaque nous.
Je ne peux pas vous parler même directement maintenant. Simplement, je n'ai pas l'énergie. Je dois partir. Je dois penser. Je dois me détester.
C'est le temps, je suis désolé. |
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| My Weekend |
[Feb. 16th, 2009|10:45 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Single Ladies - Beyonce | ] |
- Saw Gary :)
- Catskills with the Moonshiners
- Ponies
- Realized that one of my best friends is way too introverted yet, at the same time, spiteful. I wouldn't say he overreacted to something, but the way he handled it was a little immature.
- Went to a drag bar in New York - saw said best friend give a lap dance to a transvestite. This cleared things up between us a little... but I'm still gonna steer clear of partying with him for awhile.
- Ordered my friend's older brother a lap dance
- Saw Jennifer Love Hewitt at the place
- Could only remember that Jennifer Love Hewitt was in the Halloween episode of Boy Meets World, so when she walked past our table and everyone was shouting, I shouted "BOY MEETS WORLD" and pointed at her and we made eye love.
- Saw Jamie Kennedy with Jennifer Love Hewitt. I sang to him.
- Then he tried to sing karaoke to Baby Got Back, but failed miserably. It was obvious he was high, but now my friend Matt and I believe him to be dyslexic.
- Matt and I made the best french fries in the world. And broccoli with white cheddar cheese. And hamburger helper. Then we went to bed.
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| I'm makin' the paper |
[Feb. 12th, 2009|06:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | I Miss You - Blink 182 | ] |
I'm starting another stage managing job at the playhouse I work at (I try to take two month breaks in between the shows I do there. Each show takes a month in rehearsal and then runs for a month... It's a pretty good theater, tickets are twenty dollars - which is way overpriced if you ask me - but you do get really good cake and a selection of soft drinks, coffee or tea). And out of all that profit, I get $100... but I like the cast (my mom being a part of this one too) and the director (who happens to be the set designer for the playhouse) so it's all good.
Plus stage crew is starting up for the musical.
Plus I've got a piano recital.
And I'm gonna babysit in a half hour. For like two hours... It should be good... send the kid to bed and read until the parents come home. Or kill the kid and bathe in it's blood.
Also, I have over $200 worth in candy I have to sell by March, but my goal is to have it sold by February.
So yeah.... I'm cool. |
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| Ticker Tape |
[Feb. 11th, 2009|07:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Christian Bale Goes Ape Shit | ] |
So my journal may give the air that I'm a pretty unhappy person... Truly, I'm not.
But fuck the kids in my school.
No not you, but everyone else. |
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